Wednesday, May 06, 2015

Cancer Journals

The Cancer Journals
I have named this blog series “Cancer Journals” after Audre Lorde's classic The Cancer Journals.

It's been three weeks since I found out I had cancer.  My consultant gynaecologist had been trying to phone me and left messages on my voice mail, but as I sometimes don't check it for a couple of days, I didn't realise.  I had emailed his secretary asking if I could have the results of the tests I'd had done.  Then I got the letter telling me of an appointment to see a consultant at the MacMillan Cancer Centre, so I knew.

The first two weeks, I was pretty much in shock. I met with the consultant oncologist, who told me I would have to have a complete hysterectomy.  In between being in shock, I have been going through the first stages of grief:  denial and anger.  I have been angry at pretty much everybody – everybody who doesn't have cancer, everybody who has a partner or children or family around them – so that's pretty much everybody.

Trying to get the support I need, well, that's an ongoing battle.  Or series of battles.  Anyway. I'm strong.  I'm tough, right?  I am a warrior.  I am also vulnerable.  And I certainly was not expecting this.

I don't know how long I can keep up this blog series, because I don't know how I will feel physically or emotionally, or if I will have the courage to say what's really going on for me.  I'll do my best to keep it real, for as long as I can.  But some days, no doubt I will not feel up to posting.  

I trust you will find this series useful and helpful.  Please leave your comments below.  

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